I was raised in the Kingdom Hall. My parents had just taken interest in the Organization around the time I was born. Things went fine until around the age of nine or ten. That's when I started to notice I was not comfortable with the things I was hearing.
As I would sit and listen to the talks on Sunday and the Ministry School on Thursday. I found more and more I 'd say to myself "this can't be right". At that time my feelings certainly weren't a matter of choice. I already had a couple of boys in the Kingdom Hall that I looked at in a certain way, and as for the girls, I couldn't have cared less. For the next couple of years, the conflict in my head just grew and grew.
I had no one to talk to and things just festered. One thing I knew I was not willing to do especially to myself was be a hypocrite. So at the age of thirteen I got enough courage to tell my Mom I didn't want to attend the meetings any more. Thankfully I did not end up "six feet under". Surprisingly, she just replied "Well you know what you are doing" of course I did not tell her the full reason why.
I knew I would not find any support from within the Organization, so why keep putting myself through that sort of pain? All through school I stayed to myself, mostly in fear of my own actions and fears. I had no girlfriends at all until the age of twenty-one, and at that time I had simply managed to be numb to my real feelings. I wanted to "play the role" so I wouldn't let anyone down. The hole time I was doing that I was constantly saying "Jehovah, you can't mean for life to be like this".
As this went on I even got married at the age of thirty. What a mistake that was! Finally after that fell apart I woke up and said "enough is enough". If Jehovah God did put us on this Earth it was so we could be happy and be ourselves! I decided it was time to live for me, not everyone else, and to live my life based on my absolute belief that the Bible has been grossly misinterpreted.
Since making that change, I have felt so much better about myself, and I believe Jehovah can still accept me as a worthy individual. My advice to any of you reading this is to take a very deep look inside yourself and accept those things about yourself that you cannot change and then live your life Accordingly, I believe Jehovah will look upon you with all the love and understanding He can give.